I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
