I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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