I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
