Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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