3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have fence marks all over my body
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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