Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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