so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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