i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
