Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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