i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
