Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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