I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
