You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Found the puke drawer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
