I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
