I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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