i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
