i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
