I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
