just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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