Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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