I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
