I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
