No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
