dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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