if i can run in heels then i can drive
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
