She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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