Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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