I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
