alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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