i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
