and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
