better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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