clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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