Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
