yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
