God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
