Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
