Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
