it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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