They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
