I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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