By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i came on her dog
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
