So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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