I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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