I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
