theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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