you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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