Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
