I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
