haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
