My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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